Professor Egghead
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Life as Wilson[edit | edit source]
Not much was known about Professor Egghead's past other that he was once a redditor, called Wilson, born before WWII, who made "scienctific experiments", for he f*cking hearts science, in an old poorly maintained house in buttfuck nowhere, 100 kilometers away from the single closest woman's home. He spent days and days working on these experiments, browsing through ye olde message boards, reminding everyone there how much he loved science. However deep down he knew his dreams of knowing all things science was but gloat and held a deep desire to learn these things, but still couldn't find the strength to take the time to understand such complex knowledge. Until one fateful stormy day.
His radio in which he would communicate such forums would find a shadowy stranger who appeared to see through his facade and offer him a deal he cannot turn down. When they made the deal, Wilson was immediately flooded with the knowledge of how to make a machine no one at the time had ever seen the likes of since, and went straight to work with the strength to craft the materials he owned into his first invention. The gifter, congratulated Wilson through the radio: "Verrry Goooood... Now pull the lever." Wilson hesitated, realizing he doesn't know the invention even does, but before he can think critically for the first time in a long time, the stranger barked him to again, pull the lever.
Wilson took the plunge and what did the machine do?
It groaned and shook his decrepit house and created an ever growing strange hole on his attic floor, pulling the redditor into the whole, turning him into yet another prisoner of Maxwell.
Life in The Constant[edit | edit source]
Wilson woke up to the outdoors, eerily identical the outside world of his, but he soon learned of hostile and strange phenomina, beyond the dangers of the wild forest. Such as the darkness being a threat and giant pigs who stand like neanderthals with no one like him, but a tall slender man, dressed in black for company. At first, he would deal with such surroundings horribly, ending up being slain multitude of times, only to awaken from either, stone tablet he touched, or most of the time, wake up in similar world with the same habitation, with the catch being, he would wake up on quite literally another land, each time. Realizing that just like hell, not even death can escape you from that world.
Overtime he became accustomed to the closest depiction of the First Circle of Hell and found the same machine he invented in that world. He had a gut feeling that it will get him to the bottom of this. He wades through trail-like worlds, collecting parts from across those lands to reach further to hell. He did this 5 times which is then he was behold a land like no other before it.
It was dark and cave like, with torches lighting up in his vicinity to protect him from said darkness. Following the lights, he found the boss of this hell. Though looking more like a prisoner than a king, skin fused to the chair like those people on this video, stuck in tattered robes and tortured by the song of a grammar phone. Wilson with no clue on what do to escape this dank, dark shithole, decides to free Maxwell, hoping that gesture would be enough emotional sovereignty to get him to teach him how to escape. But instead, Maxwell turned into a skeleton and crumbled into dust as he screamed in agony. And was unwilling placed onto the throne maxwell once sat by the shadows that truly govern this hell.
Fortunetly for him, he didn't have to wait long because some shadow woman decided to release him, taser him and dropped him back to the same world of purgatory, throwing more shit at him. Later, he found Maxwell in the same world as him, only shorter in stature and much weaker coping like shit there. His first response to this revelation was "How is it scientifically possible for you to be still alive? I saw you disintegrate into chalk like you just saw a woman playing Fortnite!" Maxwell answered with " IDK". The night ended with Wilson annoying Maxwell with how it is not animal abuse to over feed your pet to become a heckin' chonker.
Realizing Maxwell is as much of a power mod as he is a chud. Wilson uses the invention idea given by Maxwell to create another door, this time to link worlds so that he can be the one true moderator of the flies. He suceeds and gains clones of other mentally deranged people on the internet tricked by Maxwell.
But that wasn't enough. He still wanted to be the best scientist in the world and the experience in this magical hellhole gifted for his will; unholy knowledge of things like The Elegy of Emptiness, the atomic properties of dark matter and how to make the magic potion from Asterix and Obelix. Each gift would purchase the remains of his sanity like any true visionary.
He, Maxwell and his minions traveled making new discoveries such as a portal to other circles of hell, an angry moon who hates the shadows Maxwell and his gf work for and Dr. Vegapunk trying to harness the alien energy of purgatory, using the most advance hologram and VR technology to access that world and influence it physically without becoming trapped in hell.
The dark arts of discovering the science of dark magic soon altered not just his ego but sooner his appearance. At first he look more tired than usual, more pronounced black rings and bags around his eyes, then, his admittedly stylish hair became more greasy than what being the wild can do, more disheveled, more thin and weary alongside the reddening and the crusting of his eyes. And finally he his reddit persona coupled with the tiredness morphed his body into a humpty dumpty looking ass body, with scarring cracks grey and old coming in the seems. The dark science and reddit behavior finally turned his shell of his former self inside out.
Life as Professor Egghead[edit | edit source]
Using the portal that took him to other worlds, he escaped into a realm of hell where everything looks like a soviet shithole and called it his "labratory". Where he does what redditors always do in this page: abducting other deranged people from Earth into their own little hellscape. And this time he can do this via VHS recordings, video files, and some mobile devices from pawn shops.
Appearances[edit | edit source]
- Don't Starve
- Don't Starve Together
- The Adventures of Professor Egghead
- Professor Egghead's BaD WaRniNG
- Professor Egghead's Healthy Transformation Challenge
- Professor Egghead's Education
- Professor Egghead's Search for Companionship
- Professor Egghead's Metaverse Adventures
- Professor Egghead Lost his Penis
Trivia[edit | edit source]
- He is created male pregnancy.